You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
