I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
