Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
