halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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