god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
