just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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