i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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