Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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