haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize