I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
