Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
