Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
