I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
