Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
