You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just found puke in my bra..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
