he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
