white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Drunk is a universal language darling
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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