Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
