hotel room ftw
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize