When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
