this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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