Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
