I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You're like the curious george of whores
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
