He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
