I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if only i could text you this smell
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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