Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
