When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
should my penis look like a turkey
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
