yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
