I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
