Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
