When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
