Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i need an iv and a liver transplant
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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