Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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