the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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