i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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