If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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