you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
