Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
