He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
