So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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