then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
