That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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