I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
