her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
