I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You were trust falling into bushes
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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