I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
