Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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