She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
