I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize