sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
