Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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