i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
