i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
