her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
