I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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