YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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