I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize