so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
