after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
