Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
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