thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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