Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
