Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
