yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We're facebook friends in real life
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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