y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
