Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
