she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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