Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I smell like Dick and happiness
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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