Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
