Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize