All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
