we're chasing vodka with high fives
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
