Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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