just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
